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Escaping Domestic Violence

Escaping Domestic Violence

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In 2023, Alberta shelters received 59,000 calls for help from women looking to escape a difficult situation. This is a ten year high. While more victims are seeking help and a way out, domestic violence is an increasing problem in Alberta. Often, victims don’t know how to get out of that abusive situation, or they don’t want to compromise their safety and the safety of their children. It is not just up to the victims to develop a plan to escape; if you can recognize the signs of abuse, you can help get a friend or family member out of a harmful domestic situation.

Domestic abuse can have significant impacts on victims’ mental health and wellbeing, which they may have to face for years, such as scars, physical pain, anxiety and depression. We want to provide clear, actionable steps for anyone in Alberta experiencing domestic violence so they don’t have to endure pain in the short and long term.

Recognizing Domestic Violence

The first step in leaving an abusive domestic relationship is recognizing the signs. What may seem normal or difficult to interpret in your relationship may actually be abuse. Whether it is emotional, psychological, physical or sexual abuse, you do not have to stay and suffer. If you think you might be a victim of domestic abuse, consider the following questions.

  • Do you feel like you are unable to make decisions?

  • Do they use intimidation or threats to make you do things?

  • Do they grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?

  • Do they pressure you sexually?

  • Are you prevented from doing things you want?

  • Are they extremely possessive or get jealous easily?

Your answers to these questions might give you an indication that you are in an abusive relationship.

Creating a Safety Plan

Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, so it's important to have a safety plan in place. A safety plan helps you prepare for the possibility of leaving quickly and under difficult circumstances.

  • Identify Safe Places: Know where you can go if you need to leave in a hurry. This could be a trusted friend's or family member's home or a local shelter.

  • Gather Important Documents: Keep essential documents like your ID, birth certificates, health records, and bank statements hidden in a secure place so you can grab them quickly when needed.

  • Memorize Emergency Contacts: Have key phone numbers memorized, including those for support services and shelters. Abusers may take your phone or prevent you from accessing it.

  • Prepare a To-Go Bag: Pack an emergency bag with clothes, medications, money, and essential items. You can store it at a friend’s house or another safe location.

  • Open a Bank Account: If possible, open a bank account in your name and start setting aside money. Ensure your abuser is unaware by not having financial statements sent to your home.

  • Plan Your Escape Route: Know how to leave quickly and safely from your home or other locations. Rehearse these steps to ensure you're prepared in case of an emergency.

  • Bring Them With You: When you decide to leave, take your children if possible. If you try to get them later, the police cannot help you remove them from the other parent without a court order. This is the same with pets.

Seeking Legal Help

Obtaining legal protection can help secure your safety after you have left your abuser. You can access protection orders in Alberta that can help prevent your abuser from contacting or approaching you.

An Emergency Protection Order (EPO) is a court order available in emergency and urgent situations to protect individuals from family violence. An EPO can require the person committing family violence to stay away from you, stop contacting you, or leave your home.

To get an EPO from a judge, apply in person at your local Court of Justice with the assistance of a lawyer from Legal Aid Alberta (if available).

A restraining order can be another option to get protection if you are not eligible for an Emergency Protection Order. A family court judge can issue a restraining order, which requires evidence of abuse. Bring any photos, records, or witness testimonies (such as police officers) to the hearing.

These orders often give the police authority to fine or arrest your abuser if they violate the terms, offering you extra protection. 

Securing Safe Housing

When leaving an abusive relationship, finding a safe place to stay is essential. There are several housing options that you can consider that would fit your situation the best.

Friends and Family: Those close to you may be able to provide you with a safe place to stay if you have to leave your home. Speak with them to set up short- or long-term living arrangements.

Women’s Shelters: These shelters provide immediate safety, food, and support. They can also help you connect with counselling and legal services.

Women's Shelters

Transitional Housing Programs: After staying in a shelter, you can explore longer-term options, such as transitional housing, which provides stability while you rebuild your life.

Transitional Housing

Government Programs: The Housing Benefit for Survivors of Gender-Based Violence provides a subsidy to support Albertans escaping abusive situations by helping to pay their housing expenses, such as rent, utilities and mortgage payments.

Government Assistance

Planning for the Future

Once you’ve left the abusive relationship, it’s important to continue taking steps to protect yourself and build a new life.

Change your personal information, such as phone numbers, and adjust your social media settings to ensure privacy or create new accounts. If you are able to, trade your vehicle in for a different model so it is not recognizable. Establish new routines to avoid contact with your abuser, such as going to new grocery stores or even installing a peephole in your door.

The Government of Alberta also offers emergency funding to help people who are escaping family violence or domestic violence.

Emergency Funding

Emotional and Mental Health Support

Leaving an abusive relationship can be emotionally draining, and it’s important to take care of your mental health. There are several ways to seek support during and after the process.

You can access counselling services with therapists who have experience working with individuals who have experienced trauma from domestic violence. Peer support groups are also available to connect you with other survivors who understand your experience, offering solidarity and encouragement as you recover.

Take time to focus on self-care strategies, such as journaling and meditation. Reconnect with the people and activities you enjoyed that you may not have been able to connect with during your relationship. These can help you cope with the emotional toll of leaving an abusive situation.

Important Contacts and Resources

There are many resources in Alberta designed to support people in abusive situations. Don’t hesitate to reach out—help is available 24/7.

  • Alberta’s Family Violence Info Line: 310-1818 (confidential and available 24/7)

  • If you're in immediate danger, call 911 for police intervention.

 

 

Leaving a domestic violence situation is possible with the right plan and support. It's important for your safety to take the first step, no matter how daunting it may seem. You are not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this difficult time. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, reach out to Alberta's Family Violence Info Line (310-1818) or contact local shelters for immediate assistance. Help is available.

 

Important: Your computer use can be monitored by others! Consider using a public computer or a friend's computer. Escape to Google and make sure to clear your browsing history and cache.

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October 31, 2024